Kid: “Mommy, what’s in your tummy”?
Mom: “Your baby sister”.
Kid: “You love her”?
Mom: “Yes, very much”.
Kid: “Then why did you eat her”?
Minister’s prayer: “May the members of my congregation be as free with their money as they are with their advice, and may their minds be open as their mouths”.
This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… and I
couldn’t stop talking!
One Sunday morning little Johnny was helping his mother bring the food dishes into the dining hall of the church for the picnic that was to follow the service. Suddenly little Johnny bolted up the stairs to the church sanctuary. A short time later as the congregation had gathered, waiting for the service to begin, the pastor stood at the baptismal tank with a puzzled look on his face. He looked at the congregation and asked, “who put these eggs in the tank?” Little Johnny stood up and replied, “I did Pastor. They’re deviled eggs, so they need to be baptized!”
One day a Pastor and a Brother took a Visitor fishing on boat.
Once in the Middle of the lake, the Pastor said” I seem to have forgotten my fishing pole, be right back” and to the visitors amazement stepped out of the boat and walked on top of the water towards the shore.
When he had returned, the Brother said
“I need to use the restroom, be right back”
Again the visitor watched in amazement. Once the Brother returned, not wanting to be outdone, the visitor said ” I need to use the restroom too”
As soon as he stepped out of the boat, he sank.
The Pastor nudged the Brother and said “I guess we should have told him where the rocks were”.
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up.
“That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?”
“Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and listen.
Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
“Well, mum, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
“When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon
bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his
walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites.”
“Now, Johnny, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his
“Well, no, mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it.”